So, where was I? Oh yes, I was telling you I’ve decided that going back to edit the early-days stories (2019) is not a good idea. Why, when the keyboard typed triple a’s and a queue of s’s, occasionally multiple k’s – sometimes no k’s and oftentimes the l (el) went looking for another place to live. My stories are full of errors and first drafts autosaved instead of laboriously corrected work. Grammarly and other apps were off the radar – I didn’t know they even existed! That is how green I was then! One thing that boggled my mind was the silly predictive text which produced clangers of note. Isn’t it cool how we all work our way around peculiar expressions and unrelated words in texts.

One worth mentioning, a whatsapp from my early 80’s aunt who was suggesting menu ideas for the Cafe my husband has recently opened. She suggested different desserts, one being a traditional South African sweet, plaited cooksisters – however she suggested via predictive …… Cockfosters!!!! She has an awesome sense of humour luckily or she’d be a mortified 80 year old. Incidentally it had us contemplating …… that line of business would probably earn way more than a daytime trade of food.

Now I have gone off on a tangent, what’s new?! But I just have to – you will see why…………..

Here are some epic autocorrect fails I found when I googled right now incase I found some funnies, and I sure did :

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What to do when you miss someone

awwww I miss you too

  • don’t think I’m weird but I am sleeping with that shit you left in the bathroom 🙂

WHAT ?!?!

  • yea it smells like you and it makes me feel better when you’re not here!

If you’re trying to be cute or funny it’s not working

  • ohhhhhhhh myyyyyy goddddd
  • ……….. SHIRTS

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Surprise dinner from Mom

  • are you hungry?

Starving

  • I thought you might be. There’s a huge surprise waiting for you in the kitchen. It’s your favourite. Love Mom.

I hope it’s your shaved pussy

Omg

Please don’t read the last text it was the worst autocorrect in my life

I meant porkkkkkk shaved port. I’m so sorry Ma

Mom?

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Open your pool

  • It’s so hot. It’s supposed to get up to like 85 tomorrow.

I love it!!!!!

  • I think you should open your poophole for me this weekend 🙂
  • OMG NOOOOO

WTF

  • POOOOOL!!!! I’m laughing so hard

I’m def. not opening my poophole for anyone!!!!

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Hike today?

  • can’t. painting jeromes living room. sucks my ass

O. That sux. What colour?

  • effervescent shitstain

I see. Who picked that lovely shade? Lololol

  • lol wow European Sunrise. Laughing so hard. fail
  • Its like a light orange

Wow. Sounds delightful. Satin or eggshell lol

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I can’t even look at more auto correct texts because I am crying and doubled over with laughter. Some I simply cannot share or I’ll be banned from An Elephant in my Suitcase for life. Oh, am I happy I went off on this river raft that fed into many delta’s thereby causing excruciating pain in my neck from laughing. Think I’ve pulled a muscle. Are you having fun ?

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  • Worst morning ever

Why? R u ok?

  • Car wouldn’t start.
  • Then I ran out of tampons and had to use a notepad

Wow. That doesn’t seem very absorbent! LMAO

  • HAHAHAHA MAXIPAD. WTF? Laughing so hard
  • Well at least I’m laughing now

Me too

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This one is quite different and cool…………….

  • Man. I’m super high
  • Oh, shit I just remembered, my parents will kick me if I keep getting high can I go to your house for a while PLEASE DUD I NEED U

It’s your dad, I knew it, you son of a bitch. I changed your phone names. But sure, come over, your stuff will be outside.

BTW I’ll turn your room into the Bob Marley tribute room your mother and I always wanted.

  • WHAT? IM SORRY DAD PLEASE ILL DO ANYTHING

Lol, just kidding dude, sure you can come over

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I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.

  • I’m mad. I don’t want you to keep SQUIRRELMEAT from me.

………….. Squirrel meat!!!???!!

  • Well that lightened the mood didn’t it?
  • Secrets, lol

I would never keep my SQUIRREL MEAT from you , baby!

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Son texting Mom ………….

  • How did dads dr appointment go?

Okay. He has heartburn. Doctor prescribed prostitutes.

2 x per day

  • Wow, in that case I have heartburn too. lol
  • Best prescription ever!

Oh gosh. Not funny. Prilosec. That’s my worst auto correct ever!

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Last one, we must all get on with our day – with a revived spring in our steps I hope…..

  • So how was the date last night bro
  • Did you score

not quite. first date we went to dinner and then walked her home.

then I killed her in the woods outside the house and left

  • killing her seems a bit harsh, Did she order the lobster and fillet mignon at dinner or something?

……………. KISSED. Lots of laughter!

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What I had intended to discuss, luckily I have not forgotten – yet, is how we are all struggling with brain fog but I shall return on another day for a different dialogue with you.

Quick question – do you have a sluggish brain lately?