I told you last time – No! So, for the last time – No!
Republished with permission from the ‘Cow & Lucerne Adventure Magazine’
March Edition no 16, owned & edited by Roz Brink
You talking to me?! Well, you’ve got to be kidding – right!? Seriously, don’t you remember what I told you – TOLD YOU, you never listen – this time last year the night events shook the udders off me?
Those silly months of enthusiasm, eating broccoli grass seeds, running up and down – and around paddocks – kadonk kadonk, rubbing myself sleek and smooth along wooden poles and jumping over water troughs between working hours every day, come rain or shine. I’m still embarrassed, behaving like a woman possessed.
MYSTICAL MIDNIGHT HOUR
Okay, so I have lived a sheltered life and visualized a dream not close to reality. I had visions of fun, participating in the unusual plus a midnight escape with some adventurous pals, not a sci-fi moo-vie.
All day, that momentous day, Autumnal Equinox in the Southern Hemisphere, my stomachs were churning with excitement and anxiety. Rearing to go as the sun set, finally the long awaited mystical midnight hour arrived – the big event began.
It began sedately, it was a very dark quiet night at first as our small group ventured out, the moon only a tiny sliver, way up there smiling through the stars. Whoosh, nearly hoofed out of my tracks – suddenly there was traffic, thunderous traffic. This seemed more like a Hogmanay Festival in Scotland or a Black Lives Matter protest in New York City. Could it be that every cow on the planet had turned out for a free-for-all. So much for advertising – the pictures had been misleading, my heart sank into my hoofs.
TATTOOS ON BUTTS
Talk about eye opening fashion parade, the weird and wonderful clothing – oh, and the head gear was way out. I mean it, way out – longhorns, curly horns, white horns, black tufty caps and earrings of all shapes and sizes. Square yellow ones, some doubles in each ear, red triangle ones and even – listen to this – rings in their noses and tattoos on their butts! Some techno geeks arrived with sound systems installed around their necks, bellowing out of tune – oh my giddy aunt, in my next life!
At last our turn onto the “red carpet”, running … leaping , dodgems, into the air, up up up we floated and over the moon – reaching up high we dared look down, in sheer terror, at the orb we had leapt from, whistling wind ticked our long eyelashes, ears flew back pulling our lips into smiles. “Still my beating heart, breathe”. How cool this is, actually! 1997
Returning, somewhat shaken, to solid ground, a journalist asked – barely audible above the wailing cats and giggling dogs – what my most memorable moments were – “the Inguni breed” I replied instantly. Those BRAVE FASHIONISTAS – patches of every shape and colour, stripes worn together with spots and the best of all were the freckles on their legs (the freckles on their faces were gorgeous – I wished I had some of that make up), highlighted against their orange noses and some even had sort-of orange horns. Nobody dared mess with them nor correct their unconventional behaviour because most wore Viking helmets and dark sunglasses, like, who wears sun glasses in the middle of the night – oh yea, the paparazzi, body guards and mafia.
Us, Jersey cows, are prim and proper – the Inguni’s are weed smoking nutters – all the grunting at this one, bellowing at that one, pumping out moo moo music at full volume – all leaping contra flow – veering into lane they fancied at the last second. Legs waving, tails swinging and unashamed of scars, bumps and scrapes reflecting their freestyle living.
So, here is what I think – in life be prepared to interpret riddles, don’t anticipate everyone lives by the same rules, wear spots and stripes together, enjoy those hats, and have a good laugh on the journey.
Hey, diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle
The COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the dish ran away with the spoon
Hey, diddle, diddle, the government did a fiddle
The lawyer jumped over the moon
The little wives laughed to be having such fun
And the Ministers all chattered on zoom
A little bit of silly – wishing you a happy Easter time. A little freedom and space or closing of doors again? Anyways, it is what it is.
Keep safe and no moon walking okay.