Today I intend to weave my life and story through yours….
Have you found yourself ambling, in your mind, down the crooked and awkwardly angled paths of your brain wondering why you are stumbling along with painful difficulty on this journey of life in which you find yourself? ………………………… Is it you? Could it be the world (that is cruel, grabbing, fast, selfish, ego-driven, expensive….)? …………………………. Can you change it/yourself? ……………………………..What would you do TO make that change?…………………………………. How do you start looking for what it IS to change? What is self-discovery – is it REAL?
You read books, study / take courses, participate in sport, join clubs, do charity work, marry, divorce, think about suicide (or try), join dating clubs, travel, change careers, hate your job, fight with your family – partner – children, cry, gnash teeth, take pills, curse, search……………… just wondering what your real inner self-identity is.
If you knew what IT is or what to do, and find it is actually DO-ABLE – would you have the courage to take the steps in the right direction of change. Possibly not. Fear is usually the BLOCK!
Fear actually means :
F …… alse
False Evidence Appearing Real.
In a while I will share a beautiful poem my Sister, Ginny, sent me recently which is profound. It spoke to her, then me – does it speak to you perhaps?
In 2019, past my half-century (yea right – how did that happen????!!! lol) life took us on a sudden spontaneous detour. We made a decision to move. Everyone thought we had rocks in our heads and why exactly we chose the town we chose – God alone knows – we jusst DID??!! Haha. Actually – the Universe did know what she was doing in hindsight.
Have you found this happens? Do you recognise it – even in the little things? That the Universe guides. Seriously, I am asking you!
The months spent in and around the bush and nature observing the creatures, flora, and fauna that have been doing and keep doing what they have done for millions of years was a priceless gift – a true journey of self-discovery.
It was not planned and has been an amazing experience – which I hope my followers have the opportunity to have themselves during their lifetimes. Africa is special.
You can find your true soul if you spend time in your thoughts. You HAVE TO LET IT UNFOLD IN YOUR BRAIN QUIETLY. Not deep in thought about the past or future, let yourself feel what you yearn for.
BEYOND THE DEEP TIME DOOR
by John Heffernan
It calls me.
Incessantly it calls,
myriad wordless voices
shrieking to remind me
of who I am and what and why,
and where it is that I belong
in the vast cicada song in the sky
It is the feral we’ve forgotten,
the wild that is not in us any more,
the beast we can’t ignore
It visits me.
In many forms it comes:
drumming on the roof;
sunrises riddled with brilliant specs of truth;
shimmers from the diamond-dusted sea,
spies one through the night sky’s cobalt eye;
echoes in an eagle’s cry.
It joins me by the stream,
whispering among the trees,
swapping secrets with the leaves,
Wakes me in the night, meet me in my dreams –
where nothing is what nothing seems –
simple yet sublime,
And together we climb to that special place
on the liquid ridge of time
To glimpse the thing we’ve left behind,
the feral we’ve forgotten,
the wild that is not in us any more,
the beast we can’t ignore,
the one that was beyond the Deep Time Door.
My thanks to amazing words expressed by John Heffernan, I wonder if you realise how many people appreciate your words.
I celebrated my 55th birthday in the middle of Kruger National Park, sleeping under the stars – camping near a river (which was dry riverbed then). My heart soared with joy as a bird does in free flight and inner peace flowed through my bloodstream as it was suddenly evident that THIS IS SOUL, THIS IS HOME.
Suddenly I realised the spirit & personality of whom resides deep inside the crooked and awkwardly angled paths of my brain. A nature lover. Someone who does not enjoy city life, glitz, glamour, arrogance, noise, aggression, traffic, argumentativeness, consumerism, vanity & ego. Born in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe (a sad disaster at present) , brought up loving my Dad & Mums’ FARM, called Tre Pol & Pen, and spending a lot of time with my darling Gran on her farm with a breathtakingly beautiful rambling GARDEN, called Reedbuck Kop, – I am wild at heart. Nature is was first love and everlasting love.
Look AT your past – not INTO your past.
This journey could be dangerous territory for many. REMEMBER it has actually PASSED now …… so if it was unhappy or bad…. it has gone !
I implore you not to take all the garbage out, sift through it, inspect the sad bad pieces and get distracted – NEGATIVITY LIKES TO CONTROL!
….. so WHAT I AM ASKING IS IF YOU WILL let the things that brought you joy, made you smile, gave you hope or solace, that you dreamed of or wished you could go to or do FILTER TROUGH YOUR THOUGHTS TO THE SURFACE.
Write down what they are.
Who you are.
Write it all over your SHOWER / BATHROOM TILES with a koki pen / colour marker (which can be cleaned off one day should you wish).
Eg : NATURE RAIN ANIMALS QUIET
or perhaps for you : FASHION DRESS DESIGN MODELLING
or : CLEAN LIFESTYLE YOGA SAVE THE RAINFORESTS
Am I lucky – yes and no.
We did make a choice.
Life had become dissatisfactory. Was not working as a lifestyle. We were not improving quality, increasing our earnings, using our brains to keep alert. Actually we became introverted. Quiet. Depressed. Lost all confidence. Anxious and wondering if this is what our last years would be like?!
Metaphorically my husband and I held hands and blindly jumped off the pier into the water, not bothering to feel if it was warm or freezing, shallow or deep – a leap of faith – did the sublimely ridiculous! (whilst still making sensible cautious financial decisions and taking our precious little kitty with us to a place where she could live safely and happily on this journey right next to us each and every day)
To Chris : I celebrate your life and thank you, my darling funny husband, for bringing me to this space physically & spiritually – a joyful year in Kruger National Park. You are in touch with your purpose and showed me how to laugh often, embrace change and reap the benefits of fighting FEAR!!!! (for those of you who are not aware – agoraphobia clouds many days & I am a nervous city driver, however in nature spent hours driving alone amongst the mighty lion, gigantic elephant herds, large grumpy “dagga boy” buffalo, stealthy leopards……)
You have brought about this joy and enabled me to discover what the shadow was. May you be blessed richly for all you have done for me (also unselfishly for family & friends along your journey – asking for nothing from in return except love) and I wish you peace, happiness, contentment, harmony and fulfillment in your retirement years my precious – and find the perfect project that fits both our personalities LIKE A GOOD BRA lol!
NOW, READERS……………………………… GO AND SCRIBBLE YOUR WORDS ON THE BATHROOM TILES!