Finally the big day is happening – yippee lock down no more, table names strategically placed, flowers everywhere, the weather is perfect and great grub is on its way – let the wedding begin!


As usual INTERFERING Ida fusses around making unwelcome changes to the table seating,

A.D.D Betsie is BOSSING the waitresses, though her good intentions are fleeting.

only one chair remains vacant for over an hour,

Gina’s HABITUAL LATE ARRIVAL makes the Bride & Groom sour.

George Porgie sits across the table from Jumpy Jane,

His darned NOSE PICKING is making her go insane.

ARGUMENTATIVE Angus keeps butting in,

Which is doing all the conservationists heads in.


Mrs “BASIC fundamentals” motivational coach,

sprinkles her inane advice amongst her sarcastic jokes.

Sam sighs, saying “she is like, so annoying, LIKE, I could ,

LIKE cast a spell and turn her into , LIKE, a block of wood.

Craigs ‘wifey’, Rose, is becoming a little prickly,

and the atmosphere turns tense quickly.

He’s impatiently WIGGLING his legs and STRUMMING his fingers,

Heather makes jokes but still the feeling lingers.


interrupting the joys, a jangling sound pierces our ears,

Mr Attention, TALKS LOUDLY on his mobile ignoring all the guests jeers .

The happy party chatter fades away,

whilst this bad mannered man nearly ruins this special day.

Josie noisily CHEWS ON GUM and her fingernails,

hiccup Hester slicks back more champagne when all else fails.

Wendy is now CLICKING HER TEETH as she fussily gleans through the menu,

VEERING INVASIVELY to pick apart the meals, into Dave’s personal hue.

At long last huge scrumptious juicy platters arrive,

those food guzzlers were beginning to think they’d never survive.

Gobbling and TALKING WITH MOUTHS FULL agape,

poor Shirley shrivels as this revolting sight she is unable to escape.

Adding momentum to the fun Tony LETS OUT a huge fart,

at the horrified girl complaining he shouts “you stupid tart”.

There is always that ‘one’ who finds everything HYSTERICALLY FUNNY,

if she was a comedian she’d make no money.


SMOKERS gather and drift away into the garden,

to SNIFFING, SPITTING Hank everyone squawks, “I beg your pardon”!

Amidst the diversion, sneaky Beatie slips away,

she always finds an angle NOT TO PAY.


What a glorious party, showing off every habit that drives us mad,

competing with Miss BULGING out TITS has become a fad.

Wishing the newly weds,

many years of breaking beds.

Pretending to enjoy mothers-in-law,

favourite meals and picking out all your flaws.


Snoring nights and glorious holiday delights,

visiting Paris and dancing under desert lights.

Ignoring bad habits with love in your hearts,

never minding the hilarious, not!, farts.

Graciously listening to the same school bully war story again and again,

managing to show admiration even though its a pain.

If noisy isms drive you crazy, you probably have Misophoria,

If they don’t bother you at all, you are fortunate and live in a world of euphoria.

If you have that one friend who invades your space,

crab walks alongside you, messing your pace.

You might end up on the pavement instead of the cafe,

Where you’d possibly have your worst habits on display.


What BAD HABITS have I left out?

Do share with us Bad Habits Drive you Crazy……………